


Crazy, Stupid, Love.

by Longboard_Chris



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-23 02:25:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Longboard_Chris/pseuds/Longboard_Chris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why is Steve McGarrett, lover of all things explosive and testosterone-fueled, taking his partner to a matinee of <i>Crazy, Stupid, Love</i>?<br/>Danny Williams will use all of his powers of detection and deduction to get to the bottom of this mystery.<br/>Warning - mild spoilers for the movie <i>Crazy, Stupid, Love</i>. But, if you've seen the trailer for the film, you've probably been spoiled already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy, Stupid, Love.

"Seriously?" Danny asked, one-hundred-percent amused and cocking an eyebrow at Steve, in the seat next to him. "Is it possible to shove any _more_ popcorn in your face?"

"Whuh?" Steve replied, purposely fisting another handful of oversalted, overbuttered, air-popped-yesterday delight into his already overstuffed mouth, with a blank, unblinking stare aimed at Danny, as kernels fell from his lips and back into the extra-large bucket. When his performance had finished, Steve offered the container to his partner.

"I'll pass. Thanks." Danny held up a hand, then pushed the cardboard pail back into Steve's lap. "I'm not in the mood for McGarrett-brand-hot-buttered-saliva all over my Orville Redenbacher's."

Steve had to swallow before he could retort. "Danno, we've had our tongues down each other's throats, every day, since we've been dating. You've never had a problem being spit-buddies before." He picked up a random kernel and launched it, catching it in his mouth with ease. "Not even when I used your toothbrush."

"You used my toothbrush!?!" A few patrons turned to see which couple was being a bit too loud. "Have you no boundaries? Do I have to explain to you, again, why residents of planet Earth do not behave..."

"Shhh!" Steve interrupted, as the theatre lights dimmed slightly and the screen flickered to life. "The previews are starting."

Danny growled at being shushed, but with a wave of his hand, gave in. "Fine." he continued, in a loud whisper. "But, tell me then. Why is Steve McGarrett, lover of all things explosive and testosterone-fueled, taking me to a matinee of _Crazy, Stupid, Love_?"

"I didn't take you; you paid. Wallet's at home, remember?" Steve shoved another mound of popcorn into his gob and smiled.

Danny sighed. "Why must you purposely be so difficult?"

"Because, it pisses you off," Steve laughed between crunches. "And, you're so adorable when steam is pouring out from under your collar." He closed his eyes, scrunched up his nose and pursed his lips at Danny, making number 44 in Danny's catalog of McGarrett faces: the 'you-love-me-therefore-I-can-get-away-with-anything' face.

Danny rolled his eyes and bit back a smirk. "Once again," he inquired, inhaling deeply and folding his arms over his chest. "Why are we here?"

Steve stared straight ahead, not meeting Danny's gaze, as he stretched out his legs and rested his combat boots on the seatback in front of him. "I saw the trailer online. It looked better than most romantic comedies, and it has a great cast."

"Uh-huh," Danny drawled. But, inside his head, the siren went off. Chalk it up to being a graduate of Annapolis and a naval officer, but Steve was a terrible liar; honesty coursed through his veins, not blood. And, his biggest tell was not making eye-contact when he was bluffing. That was how he and Danny first got together. An innocent evening of beer and cards had, at Danny's drunken suggestion, turned into tequila shots and strip poker. By the time Steve was buck naked and noticeably aroused, dares were all he had left to bet with. Danny decided to end the months of sexual tension and dancing around the obvious by daring Steve to kiss him. The rest is 5-0 history. And, Danny was able to do all that, win hand after hand of cards and, ultimately, Steve, because he recognized when Steve was being less than truthful.

Danny chose to leave the subject alone, for now, as the theatre fully darkened and the movie began. He angled his body in his uncomfortable chair, to see both the screen and, surreptitiously, Steve, out of the corner of his eye. He was patient, when he had to be, and observing and learning all things Steve was something Danny had done since the first day they met. On stakeouts, in the Camaro, over Longboards on the private, McGarrett piece of beach, Danny understood how to watch without acting like he was watching. He let Steve be comfortable being himself, and, then, Danny could sit back and take it all in. So, he read McGarrett as entertained, when Steve Carell, still shell-shocked at the news, told his son, without emotion and matter-of-factly, that his marriage to Julianne Moore was over. The detective knew the lieutenant commander was intrigued, as Emma Stone smiled and joked with her friend in the bar. And, Danny realized his SEAL was enamored - oh, boy, was he enamored! - as Ryan Gosling strolled into frame and started his charm offensive, trying to take Emma Stone home.

 _McGarrett has a man-crush,_ Danny declared to himself.

Even in the dim room, Steve's dazzling, thousand-watt smile radiated every time Ryan was on-screen. His eyes would get wide and his jaw would lock and set, his mouth partially opened, like he was stunned. And, was Steve drooling?

 _Nah. Must be butter,_ Danny thought. He picked up a napkin out of reflex, intending to wipe Steve's chin, but he caught himself before he made too much of a dad-movement and popped Steve's bubble of bliss.

The movie ended and Danny, purposely, kept the chatter on the ride home to a minimum, not veering from simple, perfunctory praise of the film ("I enjoyed that." "Yeah, that was good." "I'm glad we saw it."). Steve didn't seem to notice or mind the change; he just drove along, a small, distracted grin broadcasting that he had a secret and that his mission had been accomplished. The distant smiling continued through dinner (his distraction almost caused Steve to burn the steaks) and throughout the rest of the evening.

\-----

"Need help with that?" Steve queried, kneeling on the mattress behind Danny, as Danny sat on the edge of the bed, undressing. He wrapped his arms around his partner, unbuttoning the ever-present dress shirt without waiting for an answer.

Danny leaned back, inhaling his SEAL's scent while nuzzling Steve's neck. "You're very...handsy, tonight," he grinned, enjoying the fact that Steve was clad only in boxer briefs.

"So?"

"So? So, are you ever gonna tell me why you took me to see a romantic comedy?"

Steve pulled the shirt free from Danny with a flourish, as Danny shucked his khakis. "Why not? I'm romantic and funny," he offered with a smile, as he folded his arms back around Danny's chest, grazing a thumb or two over a nipple or two and rubbing his chin stubble against Danny's earlobe.

Danny let out a low moan and considered the statement, rolling his head back and locking eyes with Steve. "Romantic? Meh," he answered, giving Steve the maybe/maybe not hand gesture for emphasis. "Funny _looking_. Definitely," Danny laughed.

"Oh, really?" Steve grabbed Danny by the waistband of his boxer shorts and hauled him back onto the mattress. Their laughter echoed off the walls, as they rolled around the bed, each trying to be on top. When the hysterics had ground to an exhausted halt, Danny was the victor and Steve's arms were pinned.

"Y'know, I could flip you off of me any time I want," Steve panted.

"And, _you know_ , I was All-State Wrestling Champ back in high school. So, good luck with that." Danny dipped his head and stole a kiss, sliding his tongue into Steve's very willing mouth along the way.

"Mmmmm...Danno..." Steve squirmed, grinding his crotch against the closest part of Danny he could find.

"Are you sure you wanna call me that, tonight, babe?" Danny grinned down at Steve, looking all-too-pleased with himself. "Not Ryan? Or, what was his name in the movie? Jacob?"

Steve froze and began to turn very, very red.

"It's alright," Danny continued. "You're allowed to have a crush. Hell, I'll even let you put Ryan Gosling on your "Five You Can Cheat With" list. If we're ever on a case in Los Angeles and the situation presents itself, he can have you for the night. No jealousy. No anger. No grief from me."

Silence.

"But, I do have to know. Where have you been hiding your copy of _The Notebook_ around here? Because, if I'd have seen that in your DVD collection, you can't begin to comprehend the shit I'd have given you. More importantly, where'd you stow it when you were deployed? I mean, you'd have to be really careful watching it around a bunch of Navy SEALS. I can't picture you all sharing a box of Kleenex while... passing around the...chocolate and drinking your...herbal tea." Danny couldn't hold it together any longer and burst out laughing, right in Steve's face.

"Are you through?" Steve sighed, rolling his eyes.

"See, now, _I'm_ funny," Danny taunted, still giggling and trying to catch his breath. "I crack me up."

"It's not what you think, Danny."

"I saw you in the theatre, Steven. You were mesmerized every time you caught sight of him." Danny leaned harder on Steve's wrists, pinning him deeper into the mattress and smiling wider than Steve had ever seen. "So, admit that you have a thing for Ryan Gosling, and that's why you took me to see _Crazy, Stupid, Love_."

Steve drew a deep breath. "Ryan's character, Jacob. Did he remind you of anybody?"

"No. Should he have?"

"Handsome."

"Oh, of course. That narrows it down," Danny snarked.

"Suave. A ladykiller."

"Uh-huh."

"Ripped body."

Danny nodded, still not knowing where this was going.

"Well-dressed."

"OK."

"A smooth talker," Steve said, emphasizing _talker_ with a tilt of his head and widened eyes.

Now, it was Danny's turn to go silent.

"Very expressive. A lot of gesturing with his hands."

Danny's mind immediately flashed to his ongoing arguments with Steve over shooting and guns, where Danny punctuated his words with a pumped and recoiled fist, like he was actually firing a weapon. "Oh..."

"Speechless. That's a first," Steve snickered.

Danny released his grip on Steve and sat up, resting on his knees, yet still straddling his partner. "So, Jacob reminded you of... me?" Danny was barely able to get the last word out.

"In parts of the movie, it was like he was channeling you."

"But, he used women. He'd sleep with them, then never call 'em again. I've never been like that. Rachel is one of the few girls I ever dated, and I ended up marrying her. And, I dress well. Jacob's suits were too shiny. Very euro-trash and not at all..."

Steve raised a finger and quieted Danny. "Why must you purposely be so difficult?" he asked, with a smile, his tone even and soft. "I didn't say it was a perfect comparison. I give you compliments, and, of course, you focus on the negatives. Do I have to tell you, again, that most people, in civilized society, would say _thank you_?"

Danny bit his lower lip; he hated it when Steve turned his words against him. "Thank you," he answered, through gritted teeth, trying to keep the corners of his mouth from curling upwards. "Fucker."

"See? Was that so hard?" Steve ran his fingers through Danny's hair, pulling him down into a deep, passionate kiss. "Maybe, I like the world seeing you like I do," he said, when they finally broke apart.

"Yeah?"

"Thirty feet tall and gesturing wildly at me," Steve laughed.

Danny looked down his nose at Steve.

"And, no, that was _not_ a short joke. When Jacob was at his best, I saw _you_ : charming, funny and incredibly sweet. Everyone should know the man I love and be jealous of what I have."

"Cheeseball," Danny smirked. "We should serve you with wine and crackers." He leaned down and kissed Steve, looking with adoration at the one who held him in the highest esteem. "And, in case you were wondering, I love you, too."

Steve wrapped Danny in a bear hug and planted kisses along his neck, finding a spot that Danny's collar would hide, on which to suck a purple mark. As great as it was to imagine him up on the movie screen, holding Danny in his arms, right now and, if Steve had his way, forever, was so much better.

Danny let out a purr of contentment and felt Steve's erection starting a duel with his own. "If this is what I can expect when you watch that movie, we're definitely getting it on Blu-ray. Because, babe, I don't care where you get your appetite..."

"As long as I eat you?" Steve interrupted, doing his best to look as innocent as he could.

Danny was aghast. "Steven J. McGarrett, do you kiss the man you love with that mouth?" He sat up again, resting on Steve's thighs, while poking him in the chest. "That does it. Tomorrow, I'm taking you to Confession before we go to Mass."

"Danno, in all the time I've known you, you've never once taken me to Mass."

"Well, tomorrow we start. In the past, I've been afraid that you'd be struck by lightning when we walk through the doors, or the holy water would burn you on contact. But, we need to undo some of the bad habits people have been teaching you." Danny broke into a wide grin. "I can't imagine where you've been hearing such filth."

"Yeah. I wonder." Steve snaked his hand into the fly of Danny's boxers, much to Danny's delight, and fished around for a thing or three to play with. If Danny was going to force him to go to Confession, Steve might as well have something really good to tell the priest.

**Author's Note:**

> When I saw the [trailer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK68Y3oMEk8), and later the movie, Ryan Gosling's attitude, style, physique and mannerisms reminded me, a lot, of someone.  
> The result is this fic.  
> Don't own Steve and Danny. Wish I did. Just a bit of fun.


End file.
